Didn't I Just Do That? Argh! Part 3 of 3...
So I decided that book 2 of the Mystic Circle series (currently titled Enchanted Ever, but that will probably change) shouldn't have a crippled person (friend) like book 1 Jenni's brother Rothly in Enchanted No More.
With a little more thought on various curses I could inflict on the hero's (now RAFE) poor best friend, I came up with this one (a few paragraphs of the book only, and not critiqued so they may change):
"...the Court hereby awards custody of the minor child, Geoffrey, to his mother."
Rafe’s best friend trembled with shock next to him.
"They’re taking my son away from me," Ben said. His eyes followed every move as the baby was swept away by his ex-wife and her family. "I’ll never see him again."
"That’s unlikely. And we aren’t finished–" Ben’s attorney said.
Ben’s laugh was ugly. "You don’t believe me. Neither does the judge." His nostrils widened and suppressed violence laced his tones. "My son will be out of the country and disappear in the next twenty-four hours."
"I hardly think–" the lawyer started.
Ben cut him off with a gesture. "You did your best." He turned his back on the man, stumbled a bit and Rafe knew he wasn’t seeing straight. Rafe gripped his upper arm, pointed him in the right direction and nudged him. Ben walked carefully through the chamber and out the door.
It wasn’t a high-profile case, so the halls of the courthouse weren’t packed with people.
"I’ve got an investigator following them," Rafe murmured. It didn’t seem enough.
"I really loved her," Ben said.
"I know." Rafe’s gut churned with tension. He hated emotional stuff like this, was better with action, but what more could he do?
"And I love my son."
"Yeah."
"Marta and Geoff are going to disappear."
***************************************************************
So that's a process of keeping on trying to find something that doesn't echo a previous book, especially if the previous book is the one before, like Enchanted No More.
May you live joyfully today,
Robin
With a little more thought on various curses I could inflict on the hero's (now RAFE) poor best friend, I came up with this one (a few paragraphs of the book only, and not critiqued so they may change):
"...the Court hereby awards custody of the minor child, Geoffrey, to his mother."
Rafe’s best friend trembled with shock next to him.
"They’re taking my son away from me," Ben said. His eyes followed every move as the baby was swept away by his ex-wife and her family. "I’ll never see him again."
"That’s unlikely. And we aren’t finished–" Ben’s attorney said.
Ben’s laugh was ugly. "You don’t believe me. Neither does the judge." His nostrils widened and suppressed violence laced his tones. "My son will be out of the country and disappear in the next twenty-four hours."
"I hardly think–" the lawyer started.
Ben cut him off with a gesture. "You did your best." He turned his back on the man, stumbled a bit and Rafe knew he wasn’t seeing straight. Rafe gripped his upper arm, pointed him in the right direction and nudged him. Ben walked carefully through the chamber and out the door.
It wasn’t a high-profile case, so the halls of the courthouse weren’t packed with people.
"I’ve got an investigator following them," Rafe murmured. It didn’t seem enough.
"I really loved her," Ben said.
"I know." Rafe’s gut churned with tension. He hated emotional stuff like this, was better with action, but what more could he do?
"And I love my son."
"Yeah."
"Marta and Geoff are going to disappear."
***************************************************************
So that's a process of keeping on trying to find something that doesn't echo a previous book, especially if the previous book is the one before, like Enchanted No More.
May you live joyfully today,
Robin
posted by FantasyAuthor RobinDOwens | 2:09 AM
3 Comments:
I'm probably in the minority on this (I usually am), but I think the first version had the most power, and the most raw and real emotion. I'm sorry that the publisher's line doesn't allow for that kind of opening focus, and I really hope you do something with that opening later on.
Thanks, it's good, but I just couldn't load another character with guilt/grief right after I'd used it with my heroine Jenni.
Naturally, I'll save it.
Robin
A lot of emotion there.
Janice~
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